grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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