Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
