waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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