guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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