I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
