Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
