You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
