I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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