i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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