i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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