Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
