i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've blown a few things in my day
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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