moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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