At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
