I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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