She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
