Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
