I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
