Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize