By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
