I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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