Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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