I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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