Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
