so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
