I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
