He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
