after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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