He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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