Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
