I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
