I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
