i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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