he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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