Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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