All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
