i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
