It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize