He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize