I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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