I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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