I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
