i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
