i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
