I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
