apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do herpes really smell.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize