I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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