I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
