Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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