he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize