do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
