bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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