I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
