I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
