overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
