my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
