You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
