apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
