Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
