I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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