You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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