friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
