did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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