I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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