Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Houston, we have a blender
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he's gonorrhea incarnate
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
