My room smells like vodka and shame
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
