she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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