I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
