Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
